Stringing Myself ToGetHer: My first album!

Let’s get right into the nitty-gritty because I have no fear of oversharing anymore: let’s talk the good, the bad, and the ugly about composing this thing and what it means to me.

Stringing Myself ToGetHer Vinyl Album (Signed)

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This is my first album. I have about 25 songs streaming on Spotify, but this is next-level. Why? I was unsure of myself when I recorded my streaming songs on Spotify. Someone messaged me the other day trying to kindly suggest that maybe I should include more instruments etc. to the songs I currently have on Spotify. I was in a recording frenzy last year, uploading up to two songs a week for streaming services, with songs in a basic format like they are in my reels. I knew my songs had potential to sound more like radio songs and not “stripped-down Sunday” songs, but I was being headstrong about streaming how I perform for my reels. This was the irony: I don’t listen to songs with only one or two instruments so this message was completely relevant as to why my album is different: now it actually sounds like music I listen to and not music I was pushing because it was easier to make.

Also, not for nothing: I had a breakdown last year a few months after going viral. I felt like I was overextending myself to be someone in an online space that was starting to feel inauthentic to the personal space I occupy everyday. The whole point of my singing journey was to just be comfortable in my own skin, so when I felt like I was struggling with my everyday roles as wife, mother, daughter, friend…my online presence had to start reflecting the changes I was making, to step back and re-ground myself. So I went from like three reels a day and two streaming songs a week to one reel a day, shifting my Spotify presence from songs to podcasts, while I was rebuilding my life in the background.

What does this album mean to me? It means I’m actually comfortable with my life. It means I’m no longer comparing myself to other singers, other moms, other people…I am my own person. I know that sounds strange to say because every person only occupies one body, but realistically- if you’re holding onto the past, you’re gonna feel like you’re carrying other lives with you. You’re going to feel like you’re carrying versions of yourself that you know no longer exist or couldn’t exist because they’re simply not you where you are right now.

I’ve spent years looking at my record shelf, never thinking I’d ever join it with my own. There were periods of my life that I thought my voice would be used in different ways: I thought I could be a voice actor, a radio announcer, idk…a drama teacher? But then when I became a mother my voice slid into the background as I was focused on being a supportive wife and raising my family and all their unique journeys and aspirations. Forget postpartum anxiety and depression- I would be lying if I said that becoming a mother didn’t result in a postpartum identity crisis. I forgot who I was and what I liked in the wants, needs, and hopes for everyone else in my family.

So what happened? When I started my platform and spending some time alone and got some attention from people outside of my family, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t overdo it and spend what I felt was too much time making content for my online audience and not enough time with my family. I’m not afraid to admit these things because I think it’s important to know what it feels like to be a shitty person to those you love so you can pull yourself back. I think people who actually are shitty people, never feel like they are? Admitting you were wrong is important. Apologizing and forgiving yourself is the next step.

What hiccups have I run into producing this? What’s interesting is I’ve grown to be okay with live performances, but performing live in a recording studio with someone else is not as easy (and thank you @wammstudiosflorida for tolerating me). So it’s either a crowd or me recording by myself. Recording in front of one person on the other side of a clear glass is almost like someone walking in on you going to the bathroom- Idk why, but that’s why I upgraded my mic and just found a way to record the vocals myself.

I have tremendous gratitude for my family, my friends and pookies (in lieu of my non-preferred term, followers), my online content manager Diane (owner of My Digital Social), Destin City Lifestyle Magazine (and the various entrepreneurs I’ve met and worked with through them, including but not limited to @galina_wells_photography, @stacyalderson, and @fyimages and anyone I hope isn’t offended I accidentally forgot to name drop).

Behind every solo artist and self-help personality is a chorus of everyone who has ever helped (and definitely not helped) them, but it’s more important now than ever to focus on the help and not the hindrances in life.

Enrico DiLauro (@enricodilauro) mixed and mastered all of the songs, and I can’t thank him enough for his help and musical savvy in this journey. I have very distractible ears and am unable to play alongside a metronome, so he even took over the guitar so I could focus and just come back with the vocals on top. I realize for my live versions you get songs “in my timing,” but for the album, I’m happy to take help where I’m aware of my shortcomings. I’ve barely had to adjust his improvisations of my visions for the songs I send him. He’s a genius and if I ever go to Italy, he has a big hug awaiting him if he’s so inclined to receive it.

I will be honest, I was a little sad to learn it would overcomplicate my own journey to put three covers on my album- “These Boots are Made for Walking,” “Somebody to Love,” and “Me and Bobby McGee,” so those songs I can offer through streaming services, but not on my own album without paying an arm and a leg in legalities. I like my limbs, so any covers, you won’t find on my albums. Royalties and copyrights are annoying and since I write my own songs, I just figured I’d reduce my intended 11 songs to 8, so my first album is ALL ME, even though I basically covered those songs for y’all who seemed to think I did a decent job with them, and I thank you for that.

All in all, this album is, and isn’t, everything for me. I want it, but I don’t need it. I want you to want it, but I don’t need you to want or need it. I’m hoping for its success, but I don’t need its success. At the end of the day, my moral compass has been restored, I know who I am, and I know what I want out of my life- and that’s simply to accept it and myself. So in the end, I’ve made it. I’m just glad I finally accept my life and myself and stopped looking for reasons to deny myself and my own worthiness.

We are all worthy, and I hope you believe yourself when you hear that from the person in the mirror, not the person on the other side of the screen. Anyone can tell you anything, but it’s gonna take you, my friend, to believe it.

As always,

thanks for listening,

and I hope your own voice is music to your ears.

Thanks,